Moody and sad day... I'm so sorry seng...

Today morning like usual wake up and prepared to sch. When i wake up my throat felt very painful. Hard to talked. Beside my mood also nothing special a bit not nice. I very qi dai to see seng although i sick. But when i reached wangsa station,i saw him,i felt not so happy.I also dont know why.I didnt bother him,just standing at lrt inside.Didnt talked any to him,just standing there.He keep asking me what happen,are me ok,but i didnt answer him. He buy throat medicine to me. That time i think in my heart,why treat me so good,i treat u like that bad,dont talke with u,but u always beside me,treat me so good.I felt myself so bad,really so bad! I very hate myself! He keep asking me what happen and care of me,but i still didnt bother him.Suddenly i cry out,i also dont know why.Maybe think of something make me cry.I force myself cant cry out again,but i cant control the tears came out.Everytime when i sad,i felt want to cry out,i also dont like to let anyone fren inlcude my beloved saw it.I felt very shame.He take tissue to me,but i refused it. I pretend i didnt cry,like nothing happen.After that,i fall sleep inside lrt.I can felt it that he care of me that time.When reached sch,we went to library for discussion,but that time the place was full of people,no any space for us to revision,then change place to mc donald.When we are walking,i also didnt talk a lot with him.Just quiet there.Even he try to hold my hand,i also refused.I want to away from him.But he keep following me.At mc donald that time,i also didnt talk more with,also didnt bother him.He keep asking me want to eat or not.But i dont want.He went to sch nearby buy sandwich and milk to me. That time i felt he really cause of me to done it for me,i start to bother him. Finish revision,then we back to sch prepared class.In da way,we are nothing,and we hold hand walk together.In da classroom,we also nothing like usual,happy and fun.But after break time,i start thinking not good things,make me that time very vexed even wan to cry out.But that time i control myself,coz lot of ppl inside classroom,i pretend nothing happen,pretend happy,but i still cant happy.I told myself cant like this again,why always like this one,i so angry myself like that.After finished sch,then i sit inside sch,didnt talked anything,didnt go to outside with him,that time i was very moody.Then he come inside to find me,asked me what happen and care of me whether still sick or not,but i refused him again.I didnt said anything to him,just quiet there.All of them looking at us,i feel want to fast fast back home that time,but it was raining. Then all of us went back to sch for sit to wait the rain stop.I sit at outside there,also didnt talk anything with him,he sit beside me,asked me many times what happen,why.i also no bother him,i just asked him to go away,n dont bother me.He keep asking me why and what happen,that time my heart felt very sad and hurt,i so hate myself why like that treat him,i felt so sorry to him.becoz i not worth he treat me so good,i felt myself really not suitable together with him,he actually with those girl are happy,frenly,kind n better then me,he actually not choose me,that why i keep to evade him,but he still stay with me,still asking me what happen,i didnt said anything too,just asked him go away from me,dont bother me.My heart was very hurt n sad that treat him like that,really so bad.Stop raining,they want to back,then i asked mok to asked him go,that time my heart more hurt treat him very bad!!! Then he angry and go away... That time i know he very sad and hurt,but i cant do what.So sorry seng..i'm not want to treat u like that,becuase i have my reason,i hope u can find a better girl then me... when i was back home,i very moody,i told myself cant like that treat him,coz not fair... when i reached home,i cry crazy until i fall sleep... when i was wake up,i saw him send to me a msg,he said sorry to me and about just now and now his feeling,i felt very sorry to him,i want to msg him said sorry but i not dare.i really a 4stupid girl. i scare to face this problem and seng.not he done wrong no need said sorry to me,is me said sorry coz i my fault. so sorry seng.. everytime i promised u wont like thi again n we must said it out when anything happen,but i cant done it. so sorry... i know i said sorry also cant cover ur pain inside ur heart. but i really so love u. thank's u always beside me when i unhappy or anything happen,thanks u treat me so good.. i told myself this time really is the last time,last chance,cant like this again.i want to change my bad attitude,i wan to be a good girlfren,i dont want have any regret in this relationship... this is my aim.. i will try my best to success it... hope tomorrow will be a better day for me and seng...